Become the things you loved most about the people who are now gone
Last night
If you lack confidence in yourself, you will overcompensate in control.
Separate yourself from all non genuine versions of your past. Grow into yourself and this creates your confidence.
Success
Success to me is simply put is failing and trying again differently. Failure to me is not trying it again differently,
Insanity to me is expecting different results for trying the same equation.
I spouted this most of my life.
Success to me now is an ever relentless fight against fear. The success I see with my relationship with my Son is the security I need to know I am on the right path.
Adults are egotistical and ignorant imo,
My life goal is truly be a emotionally mature adult that my son learns through osmosis. Be real and honest and vulnerable to him. Showcase my shortcomings because he is such a mini me he will stumble just the same and safe guard against what i accepted. That I am human, a man, not perfect and thats ok. I need to be real and genuine. This is when i flourish. Self follow a path of acceptance and knowing it is ok. We all matter, we are all not seen, but our needs are all the same. We all have highs and lows and noone is above or below either or these. Just the quickest way to see who has privilege and/or principles if we listen to the words.
As I teach my Son (10) if everyone is special that means noone is special. That sounded horrible so version 2 was we are all special but what makes you unique, plant seeds and water frequently. Our kids are our future, we fail them and not the other way around.
We blame the kids instead of truly placing the blame where it belongs on every single adult. Period.
Past few months
For the past few months I have kept to myself mostly and internalized a lot. I have learnt how to accept and in this the art of letting go.
I have taken thousands of photos i may see or not. I have even stopped using the editing software to slow down and find my own style. I started to edit in photoshop for the first time and I have focus and vision.
Canadian flag
So today at work in the afternoon I went for a walk and I walked by a house that had a Canadian flag posted but something was off and I couldn’t put my finger on it right away, it was an oddly windy day which made the flag just impossible to see naturally because I needed to know what was off about it. Then I saw it, the maple leaf was upside down, truly one of the first times I have experienced this and I emotionally overreacted.
Anger instantly filled me and yeah I did what any mature adult would do and I gave the house the finger. I was mad and I even thought I will do this every time I walk by this house which 2x a work day and then had the audacity to feel like a proud Canadian, but the whole walk back I didn’t feel proud, I felt shame instead. I heard “let them” in my head and i then had to have a chat with chat gpt about it. This was a wonderful conversation truly but this line here is what stopped me:
“ Is your middle finger about protecting what you love, or is it about punishing someone for not sharing your way of loving it?”
That was all I needed, I was in the wrong and I was so not proud, I am sorry I did do it now and will learn from this and grow. I was more upset they did not agree with my point of view. That shit is just not ok.
I will learn from this and try to become more observant than a moron in the future.
I felt it was worth noting here. Plus some cool bugs!
Macro
This was about the size of a grain of rice, it was curious and watching me not flying away and why i got such a great shot. We shared about 5 minutes on my lunch and this fly gave me so much happiness.
I had genuine smiles in a nothing garden of some random church in middle the of nowhere.
These are now the moments of my life that are deep to me. Intimacy with nature.
Thunder and lightning storm
Did not expect one today but here we are, took my son down to a basketball court and snapped this on the way out
Something from nothing
Dollar store glasses on a dollar store rack and light from a power bar. Life is perception so do not be deceived in you’re one chance at life. See what you want to see and live what you need to live (as long as you do not hurt others)
Room to grow
Once my Son when he was 6-7 said to me, “Dad! How can I grow if you do not give me room to grow” that rocked me and gave me a new perception after that to see where life can persist when it should not usually. Where we grow if we gave ourselves room?
Cut off metal pipe in a random parking lot.
Taylor Hawkins
I met taylor hawkins back when I was a kid and he was going into a food joint. We called out his name and he turned around like a deer in head lights, earlier that night I also met billy corgan and his ignorance was hard to swallow (his performance later the album machina 2 was really bad). But Taylor was sweet and innocent, it wasnt until i saw him on stage realize i was wrong on his innocence. Lol
It wasnt until talent, he was talented and he was humble. He was so scared of us we all felt bad for rushing him for autographs. Lol, live your life one day will one we never expect.
The National - I need my girl
https://youtu.be/A-Tod1_tZdU?si=8ELvVlES7_BRoO67
I need a girl who would apologize to the vines….