Become the things you loved most about the people who are now gone
Room to grow
Once my Son when he was 6-7 said to me, “Dad! How can I grow if you do not give me room to grow” that rocked me and gave me a new perception after that to see where life can persist when it should not usually. Where we grow if we gave ourselves room?
Cut off metal pipe in a random parking lot.
Taylor Hawkins
I met taylor hawkins back when I was a kid and he was going into a food joint. We called out his name and he turned around like a deer in head lights, earlier that night I also met billy corgan and his ignorance was hard to swallow (his performance later the album machina 2 was really bad). But Taylor was sweet and innocent, it wasnt until i saw him on stage realize i was wrong on his innocence. Lol
It wasnt until talent, he was talented and he was humble. He was so scared of us we all felt bad for rushing him for autographs. Lol, live your life one day will one we never expect.
The National - I need my girl
https://youtu.be/A-Tod1_tZdU?si=8ELvVlES7_BRoO67
I need a girl who would apologize to the vines….
Minou
I once had a cat named Snigglefritz and she sucked, she was like 18 when I watched her take her last breath of air. She was called the black mamba.
She was an ok cat but I never had a special relationship with her so it did not mean alot to me. A year later after Sniggs died I got another cat, my Son and I went to a shelter to get a kitten but when we left after looking at 20 cute kitties we met Simone:
It was this picture that won us over, we left and chatted and both felt compelled towards this older cat. We gave it a day and I went back to see if I was allergic and yes it turns out I am and was cool with it surprisingly.
This cat has grown so close to me in my life that I was able to witness an intimate experience with her.
I got her after she had a litter of pups and had a horrible first year of life and too boot with that also complications during delivery (one kitty was deformed and could not come out properly the hips were locked and could not move).
So my Son and I both decided to get her and it has been a great decision but coming up on the year 2 mark I realized she still has trust issues. Every time I would pick her up and give her loves she would need at a certain point to go off on her own and collect herself to come back to feel safe in my home. I felt she never could get over allowing herself to trust. Two years later she finally for the first time did not reset and stayed and i heard her gasp and got excited over it. She was intense in her love for me and couldnt love me hard enough enough for the next 5-10 minutes, i will never forget that experience.
Life’s pace is slower then we would like and we need to know life is not on our own schedules and this is ok. I love this cat that feels like a dog and loves like friend. I hated her name and just ended up calling her Minou and minou is now what she responds too.
If I wanted her to stay and not reset our relationship and tried to force my intentions onto her we wouldn’t have gotten here. I am glad I allowed her to open up on her terms, for there is no other way for that to have happened. My ego may feel I can do more than I can, it is my heart that keeps me in check, hopefully. Damn my ego.
This is Minou 2 years later.
Made a friend over the weekend
This lil jumping spider was a blast to photograph, kept jumping at my phone. What a cutie!
Photo dump
Past week has been busy, life growing on me like spring and Ive been too busy to post each day so I enjoyed my time instead and write down the messages I dont want to forget. I write messages I dont want to forget here, I am not giving advice at all just documenting what works for me and if it helps others great.
Learning around me
In life i’ve been behind for most of my life imo, been waiting for someone to teach me the things i have not been taught.
If I was shown something I usually will not forget it, but instead of learning how to adapt and grow that way, well, I waited. Now that I am aware and learning new things in life all around me I can see other’s mistakes and can slow down to learn how to avoid some of them by just observing.
Perfect example is this picture, i went by a community garden and learnt lessons on what not to do based on the ways different people do things.
Sometimes we have no confidence in ourselves and think if i buy a product it will be better, but no, slowing down to understand what works and what doesn’t is the most basis of life. Lets keep growing like we are gardens ourselves and reap bountiful harvest in our focus and awareness.
Paper wasp
It was windy and this lil dude was scrappy but had no fear of me and allowed me to take all the shots I wanted, I have many I enjoyed even the videos but this was my favorite
The eyes hold personal truth’s
I want to think I could but want to be able to look into someone’s eyes without any words.
I think it is such a healthy exercise to stand as close as possible to someone and for 1-3 minutes look into each others eyes and say no words.
Made this AI photo sometime last year and like it.
Anonymous quote
A child’s first bully is an unhealed parent.
That got to me, I fully agree as well, I sort of was my Son’s first bully in ways and once I realized it I followed a path of healing and I cannot turn around from this journey. Now my Son and I click on a level that the unhealed version of me could never of gotten to, that is all the inspiration I need to keep this cycle going. Heal myself and make my Son proud of me.
Lucky Enough - Zach Bryan
https://youtu.be/dPOVwmnxJZ8?si=pyjJnmK_RcsSD7KU
If I'm lucky enough, I'll see fogs lift with suns
As we roll to play a show in Carolina, Oklahoma, or Chicago
I'll grow to know the road to home in places far away
Wrinkled, bald, and beat to shit, to never waste a day
Enough people will hate me that I know I did it right
But to never meet a human being that I say that I don't like
Let me learn the hard way and cut it close sometimes
That youth is the attic chest where every lesson lies
I'll have some kids and teach them that we are all the same
Sufferin', smilin', silhouettes of every passin' day
The love I have will always be something my friends yearn
My memories were never cheap and never easy earned
I hope to choke on jack and coke in a bar during a northern winter
On a night the band was tight and right as rooftop lights flicker
If I'm lucky enough, I'll understand losing someone close
I'll clench my teeth on New Year's Eve and try to talk to ghosts
I'll stumble through a market on a Sunday day in June
Smell the salt and asphalt on a Sunday afternoon
I reckon I'd be lucky if I made it half as far
To only die on hills that are closest to my heart
If I'm lucky enough, notebooks will be strewn across my room
Or play catch on green grass with spring time flower bloom
If I'm lucky enough, I'll tell the truth every chance I get
'Cause smiles faked to appease another is worth ten regrets
If I'm lucky enough, I will get through hard things
And they will make me gentle to the ways of the world
If I'm lucky enough, I'll have the courage to leave and go
Wherever my beatin' heart tells me to go
If I'm lucky enough, I'll get high and invite a guitar player over
And he'll play sweet notes until a New York City rooftop sun rises
I'll meet some kids in school that still know how to play instruments
If I'm lucky enough, I'll make it exactly to where I'm taking this breath now
Lay my head upon the Earth and laugh at passing clouds
If I'm lucky enough, I'll remember the shaky things we've seen
Grab your beer through tears and fears, the great American bar scene