Become the things you loved most about the people who are now gone
Past few months
For the past few months I have kept to myself mostly and internalized a lot. I have learnt how to accept and in this the art of letting go.
I have taken thousands of photos i may see or not. I have even stopped using the editing software to slow down and find my own style. I started to edit in photoshop for the first time and I have focus and vision.
Canadian flag
So today at work in the afternoon I went for a walk and I walked by a house that had a Canadian flag posted but something was off and I couldn’t put my finger on it right away, it was an oddly windy day which made the flag just impossible to see naturally because I needed to know what was off about it. Then I saw it, the maple leaf was upside down, truly one of the first times I have experienced this and I emotionally overreacted.
Anger instantly filled me and yeah I did what any mature adult would do and I gave the house the finger. I was mad and I even thought I will do this every time I walk by this house which 2x a work day and then had the audacity to feel like a proud Canadian, but the whole walk back I didn’t feel proud, I felt shame instead. I heard “let them” in my head and i then had to have a chat with chat gpt about it. This was a wonderful conversation truly but this line here is what stopped me:
“ Is your middle finger about protecting what you love, or is it about punishing someone for not sharing your way of loving it?”
That was all I needed, I was in the wrong and I was so not proud, I am sorry I did do it now and will learn from this and grow. I was more upset they did not agree with my point of view. That shit is just not ok.
I will learn from this and try to become more observant than a moron in the future.
I felt it was worth noting here. Plus some cool bugs!
Macro
This was about the size of a grain of rice, it was curious and watching me not flying away and why i got such a great shot. We shared about 5 minutes on my lunch and this fly gave me so much happiness.
I had genuine smiles in a nothing garden of some random church in middle the of nowhere.
These are now the moments of my life that are deep to me. Intimacy with nature.
Thunder and lightning storm
Did not expect one today but here we are, took my son down to a basketball court and snapped this on the way out
Something from nothing
Dollar store glasses on a dollar store rack and light from a power bar. Life is perception so do not be deceived in you’re one chance at life. See what you want to see and live what you need to live (as long as you do not hurt others)
Room to grow
Once my Son when he was 6-7 said to me, “Dad! How can I grow if you do not give me room to grow” that rocked me and gave me a new perception after that to see where life can persist when it should not usually. Where we grow if we gave ourselves room?
Cut off metal pipe in a random parking lot.
Taylor Hawkins
I met taylor hawkins back when I was a kid and he was going into a food joint. We called out his name and he turned around like a deer in head lights, earlier that night I also met billy corgan and his ignorance was hard to swallow (his performance later the album machina 2 was really bad). But Taylor was sweet and innocent, it wasnt until i saw him on stage realize i was wrong on his innocence. Lol
It wasnt until talent, he was talented and he was humble. He was so scared of us we all felt bad for rushing him for autographs. Lol, live your life one day will one we never expect.
The National - I need my girl
https://youtu.be/A-Tod1_tZdU?si=8ELvVlES7_BRoO67
I need a girl who would apologize to the vines….
Minou
I once had a cat named Snigglefritz and she sucked, she was like 18 when I watched her take her last breath of air. She was called the black mamba.
She was an ok cat but I never had a special relationship with her so it did not mean alot to me. A year later after Sniggs died I got another cat, my Son and I went to a shelter to get a kitten but when we left after looking at 20 cute kitties we met Simone:
It was this picture that won us over, we left and chatted and both felt compelled towards this older cat. We gave it a day and I went back to see if I was allergic and yes it turns out I am and was cool with it surprisingly.
This cat has grown so close to me in my life that I was able to witness an intimate experience with her.
I got her after she had a litter of pups and had a horrible first year of life and too boot with that also complications during delivery (one kitty was deformed and could not come out properly the hips were locked and could not move).
So my Son and I both decided to get her and it has been a great decision but coming up on the year 2 mark I realized she still has trust issues. Every time I would pick her up and give her loves she would need at a certain point to go off on her own and collect herself to come back to feel safe in my home. I felt she never could get over allowing herself to trust. Two years later she finally for the first time did not reset and stayed and i heard her gasp and got excited over it. She was intense in her love for me and couldnt love me hard enough enough for the next 5-10 minutes, i will never forget that experience.
Life’s pace is slower then we would like and we need to know life is not on our own schedules and this is ok. I love this cat that feels like a dog and loves like friend. I hated her name and just ended up calling her Minou and minou is now what she responds too.
If I wanted her to stay and not reset our relationship and tried to force my intentions onto her we wouldn’t have gotten here. I am glad I allowed her to open up on her terms, for there is no other way for that to have happened. My ego may feel I can do more than I can, it is my heart that keeps me in check, hopefully. Damn my ego.
This is Minou 2 years later.
Made a friend over the weekend
This lil jumping spider was a blast to photograph, kept jumping at my phone. What a cutie!
Photo dump
Past week has been busy, life growing on me like spring and Ive been too busy to post each day so I enjoyed my time instead and write down the messages I dont want to forget. I write messages I dont want to forget here, I am not giving advice at all just documenting what works for me and if it helps others great.
